Well, it all started in 2019 I was at the pre school with my son Luke. He has special needs and at the time no reliable nurse, so I was his nurse at school as this project began with a blog written in pre school. Today as he is in 3rd grade in school here I am again but now at Starbucks. He has a reliable nurse.
Thinking now, I remember when I was at that pre school thinking I needed to live for my kids. I say kids because I have a 2nd one, a typical kid that was not here at that time. But I knew it was coming. It was written in the stars. Yeah I know astrology. I like it you know? It guides me. Especially when life it’s upside down, and that time life was upside down.
Well to be honest life is still upside down but there is a difference between now and then. Back in 2019 I was looking for myself, and today I can truly say I founded. And why is life still upside down? You know that cliché right? Find yourself and lose everything? I am starting to think it is not a cliché. I think is true. I learned with iron maiden, nothing it is real until you really feel it. That it is true. I know, I am feeling it. But at least I don’t hate myself anymore, that’s a plus. A real motivation. Love!
Sure, it is a feeling and feelings can be deceiving sometimes and the reality it is I didn’t lose everything. I actually build something, I just did not give myself enough credit for it until yesterday. Yesterday I had a business meeting talking exactly about the project I build all this time. Something that in 2019 in preschool with an idea. During the meeting when the mentor told me all the things I have and done it and have it, I thought to myself: “that is not too shabby”. Sure, I am no longer an professional triathlete but as an artist I have 2 comic books and 2 albums out. And an autobiography.
Later yesterday, which felt like a glitch in the matrix, I had an interesting random conversation online with a fellow musician. He asked me what got me into guitar? So I told him the truth, when I hit 39 years old (2019) I decided to end my depression once and for all and in order to do so I needed to face my trauma, and that required me to learn the guitar. And I did it, and magic happened, I overcame the trauma. For awhile I thought I needed to prove that magic it was real and possible.
After a lot of pain trying to prove something, until I realized I have nothing to prove, but I do have a story to tell reason why I am blogging again. And no, I didn’t lose everything, I actually destroyed myself hate, and rebuild myself with love. I guess, it confirms what I wrote in my autobiography, “pain is the fastest way back to love”. I guess I took my own medicine. Transforming myself like this at a middle it is painful and hard but, totally worth it.
Welcome to my blog!
Punkaste,
Richard
Punkaste 